Amongst all the readings on self-improvement, people talk a lot about becoming a better self. Everyone speaks about countless ways to improve yourself — your upgraded self, or what we can funnily call a version 2.0. It was most likely self oblivion, or my version 1.0 who didn’t care too much about being aware. I didn’t know how to start so I started reading, soaking up as much knowledge as I could. I read books, articles and medical journals, watched plenty of movies about depression. I talk to people, have discussions over any possible chance that I get, and I am still learning.
I didn’t realize how important being aware of myself was, until I went through “triggers”. My definition of “triggers” are what most people deem as the tipping point of your life, and it isn’t a one-for-all experience. It could be a heartbreak, seeing a car crash, or being asked a question in a lecture you never could answer. Point is, it could come in myriad of ways; and felt in multiple ways. It’s always different for everyone, but will always result in change (most often for the better).
The way to heal is know that you have to feel pain
Pain is usually the turning point in life for most people. This is the sad truth. I came across a quote by Ray Dalio, author of the book Principles, “Nature gave us pain as a messaging device to tell us that we are approaching, or that we have exceeded, our limits in some way. Every time you confront something painful, you are at a potentially important juncture in your life — you have the opportunity to choose healthy and painful truth or unhealthy but comfortable delusion.” Pain makes you uncomfortable but it makes you grow. You need to acknowledge that uncomfortable situation and analyze it to the core. The only way is upwards. In time, you’ll also realize that pain is a debt paid off over time.
There are many ways to heal
The process of healing is a trial and error — highly similar to A/B testing. Healing can be described to be a randomized experiment with many variables. The goal is to find something that is the most effective and efficient way that works for you. To heal, don’t be afraid to test as many variables as possible. Expressive writing? Speaking to your friend? Buying a puppy? Do what makes you feel better and go at it until you find one that works for yourself.
“Nature gave us pain as a messaging device to tell us that we are approaching, or that we have exceeded, our limits in some way. Every time you confront something painful, you are at a potentially important juncture in your life — you have the opportunity to choose healthy and painful truth or unhealthy but comfortable delusion.” — Ray Dalio
Love helps and it exists in different ways
Love comes in handy when you’re healing. You’d assume the only kind of love that heals you is romantic love but no; it isn’t just that. It can exist but it definitely isn’t the only one. Love is when someone refers you to someone who can help. Love is when they take time to genuinely listen. Love is when you get up in the morning and you’re still alive. Love is knowing when you don’t punish yourself for doing absolutely nothing. Love is having a chance to rationalize your behaviour. It doesn’t matter what type of love it is, but know that it exists.
It takes time and time is relative
Time is a funny concept. It’s universal yet divided, it seems like a forever but actually isn’t. You can’t rush it yet it can move in the speed of light. We have been wired through life that everything has to be instantaneous. A butterfly takes four weeks to become what it is. It takes four years for another leap year to happen. Humans took thousands of years to evolve and they’re still evolving. What makes healing different?
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I’ve learned that healing is a painful process. The pain can can come from the tiniest part of your life. It’s a personal journey, and writing about it has helped me in many ways. I’ve also found comfort in what others were brave enough to write. There are no conclusive ways to achieve that version 2.0 but sharing this might help someone out there. It doesn’t matter if you take a break today. It doesn’t matter even if you feel pain tomorrow. At the end of it, you have a lifetime to keep at it.
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